Seyievono Savi
How do you see your life? How do you understand your self-esteem? Your self-esteem determines your expections, your values, your priorities and your life. Your self-esteem is your self-worth. Good self-esteem is rooted in a relationship with God. The Bible affirms that each of us is created in His image, the object of his love and of value to Him. When we discover that we are the objects of God’s unconditional love, we can stop feeling worthless. Developing healthy self-esteem is not the most important goal in life- knowing Christ is. But good self-esteem helps us to understand who we are and what God wants us to become. Good self esteem helps us in building a good relationship with God and with others.
GOOD SELF-ESTEEM
John Powell, The well-known author claims that “Good self-esteem is the greatest psychological possession you can have”. People with good self-esteem can forget about themselves and reach out to others with a genuine love. They do not need to prove anything, they know who they are. They do not try to fill their emptiness with achievement or material possessions. People with healthy self-esteem can really say “It’s good to be me!” and mean it,
“The Lord hasn’t finished with me yet, but He is still working on me”
POOR SELF-ESTEEM
Poor self-esteem is easier to experience then to define. Essentially it means to feel badly about oneself, see oneself as inferior, insignificant. People with low self-esteem usually think negatively about themselves, other people, the world and God. Some common distorted thought pattern of a person with low self-esteem.
“I lost my temper; therefore I’m a bad person”
“I am a sinner………….therefore I’m worthless”
“It’s not worth praying………..God wouldn’t listen”
“She looks upset………..I’ve done something wrong”
“She didn’t ring me…….she doesn’t care about me”
People with low self-esteem not only fail to see beauty in others, but usually fail to see it in themselves.
Today we hear a great deal of talk about our significance, self-worth, uniqueness etc, at the same time there are also many forces which reduce our self-esteem and many of us can easily feel unwanted, hopeless, useless. Magazines, internet, televisions tells us how to feel good about ourselves through improving our physique, hairstyle, clothes, new skills, makeover etc however we do not fully mature and understand the beauty of life until we have a true relationship with God. A person without God is less than a human. It is the life of God within us that makes us fully human and alive.
“Life is like an onion. You take off one layer at a time and sometimes you cry”- Carl Sandburg. We may find it helpful to share with a close friend or family from whom we receive support, approval, praise, encouragement, attention…….But let us challenge ourselves to grow. There are basic we must start with:
- Self-Discipline:
It takes self-discipline to work on what is important to us. It’s human nature to get distracted by minor issues. Rick Warren points out that today people live lives of ‘aimless distraction’. Temptation, obstacles, difficulties and failures will come now and then but with firm self-discipline we learn to control ourselves and ‘stand firm’ (Ephesians 6:14). We can count on God who gives us the strength to carry it out.
- The right kind of pride:
We all need to know that we are reasonably competent and able to handle most situations that comes our way. It means becoming aware of the abilities God has given us and being ready to face the world with His help. In addition to that, we need to know and feel that we are lovable. We must be convinced of God’s unconditional love for us, that He not only love me, but I’m lovable to Him.” “People who have no pride”, Dinesen goes on “are not aware of one’s idea of God in the making of them”. Knowing that we are capable and lovable in a healthy way is like the two sides of the gold coin of self-esteem. So many people who do not feel lovable spend their lives trying to prove that they are capable, hoping that one day someone will really love them.
- Outer and Inner beauty
“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you”
(1Corinthians 3:16). If our bodies are God’s temple we should portray a positive self-image both with appearance and attitude. Taking care of God’s temple implies healthy sleeping, healthy eating habits and adornment. Sleeping is for healing both our bodies and minds. Style and fashions keep changing everyday. To a certain degree, we need to adopt that but we should not forget modesty- Being modern with modesty.
We may be decorated by clean dress, yet our heart may be dirty. Our tongue may be smooth yet our heart stony. Because, when our heart is not pure our word and action will all be impure. It is vital to know our thoughts and feelings. Does anger embitter us? Do we have an unforgiving heart? “What goes on in your mind determines how you feel today. What goes on in your mind decide if you’ll learn today,” says Imtijungla Longchar, a prominent Naga writer. Pray and ask the Lord to restore our mind, emotion and will.
Learning to grow in our self-esteem is a challenge. God’s image in us has been marred by sin, but it has not been lost. God’s plan for us is to become the people He created us to be. The starting point is taking responsibility for ourselves with the knowledge that is not “who am I” but “whose am I.”
[ Miss Seyievono Savi is the co-ordinator of IQAC (NAAC) of KROS College. She holds the distinction of being a Scholar Badge holder in Kohima College during her B.A days.]